The Penn Jillette Radio Show June 30, 2006

Wow – has it been half a year of the Penn Jillette Radio Show already?

Except that this is a repeat of the Mario on the set of Bulls.hit episode – Oh no!

They’ve just cut in and are in a studio in Vegas as the Slammer has no phones again.

They were talking about the drive over and the sound just cut out!

A couple of scary minutes of silence and then some rock music filler…

Oh no!

Cut to radio promos…
Maybe we’ll get the early stuff on the podcast.

Back to the show (Yay!) talking about Superman in his college days…
Truth, tolerance and justice.
“Penn you’re wrong about Superman.”
Superman used to jump, now flies.

Superman would use a car in Vegas.

Penn gets confused.

Caller Paul: Superman is half Canadian.
Paul gets interfered with and has to go.

Penn liked the film but would rather it was more like Capote

Caller Dan (space monkey): Lois and Clark – oh dear, Dan gone.

Penn being a jerk to Dean Cain. “Don’t call me Skippy!”

Penn’s special memento…


Superman Returns is like the Passion of the Christ

Gmail: Penn – “I can fly!”
Penn was thrown off Murphy Brown
Penn forgets Teri Hatcher’s name but recalls talking about kinky sex with her…

Caller Brent: “Oh no – what’s that?”

Gmail: Superman began flying on radio.

Penn flies away.

Caller Josh: “I’m not 100% sure about this…”
Ubermensch discussed, Josh has phone trouble but Penn says “Take it bitch!”
Superman and KKK mentioned (read more here)

Caller Mike: Superman was human when he had sex with Lois Lane in Superman 2.

Penn and Skippy Goudeau will always play tapes over callers from now on.


Fast theme brings us back…

Did Penn cry during Superman Returns? (what do you think?)

Caller Mike: Superman, originally bald bad guy – character changed a bit like the Terminator

What super power would you want?
Goudeau: Chow Man
Penn: Control over time (Nicholson Baker or Groundhog Day NOT Adam Sandler)
or super smart

Caller Shane: The Diplomat
Caller Jack: Bully Man

Gmail: “Matter-Eater Lad” is the eating super hero.
NOW Penn remembers!

Caller Dorothy: Shopper Girl (Goudeau: Identity Theft Girl)
Caller Jeremy: Suicide Man (Ultimate Altruism Man)
Gmail Robert: Measure man
Caller Jason: Shape Changer

Then the show suddenly ends…

Pity as it was such a good one!

The Penn Jillette Radio Show June 28, 2006

The show starts with a nice version of the theme.
He’s here with Michael Goudeau and he has an echo…

They explain how far ahead they are with features like flag burning and second hand smoke.

Penn and carbon monoxide – “He’s not that stupid”.

Bulls.hit mentioned.

Penn wants to talk about Tattoos

Jonesy and Penn in Starbucks

Tattoos you regret…

Goudeau wants the body modifications that improve you. (Super hearing!)

Caller Laura (second try): only likes two (later changes to three) out of her ten tattoos. Penn makes her go through an inventory.
No, she can’t strip – she’s driving. She then gets cut off.

Goudeau suggests a growth chart up your leg for your kids. Penn likes that.

Caller Tom: Neal Peart tattoo story.

Caller Sky: My uncle got drunk… “woman hater”. Chinese tattoo – Goudeau suggests a scam.


Penn and Teller Show “Bullet Catch” Tattoo Story – Autograph my Three of Clubs.

Caller: Monkey on my back.

Goudeau hand print tattoo idea

Penn mentions his idiot friend…
Goudeau: “That narrows it down”

Caller: Identical twin tattoos (Tattoo gang wars!)


How pathetic is it that people have to write in to remind Penn that he did have a tattoo done (P113 of “How to Play in Traffic”)? In blood!
New York Times Story.
Penn’s other tattoos discussed
Tattoo of Blood – Lou Reed

Caller Beth: Two stories. 1. Too young? 2. Cops Lie.

Caller Kimchan: Darwin was right!

Stewart Wagner’s bullet catch tattoo.

Caller Holly(bad line): Hebrew tattoo. Loads of cool tattoos – Penn is very happy.

Caller Shaun: Shaky tattoo.

Caller Michael: Three of Clubs tattoo
Penn: Stewart and Jonesy have had this card inked on their palms

Caller Angela: Her father’s drunken misspelled tattoo – Penn is ecstatic

The Penn Jillette Radio Show June 27, 2006

Yay, it’s another beautiful Monkey Tuesday!

(Pops, they’re so much like us!)

Reminder for next week’s Patriotic Monkey Tuesday.

Penn says a monkey mix would be acceptable – any topic that they will try to tie to monkeys.

Penn says last night at the show a fan had a crucified monkey for Penn to autograph!

Caller Michael: Bronx zoo story. Silverback and the Madonna monkeys.
Caller Liza: Monk-e-mail discussed.
Caller Keith: Peter Tork broke my stove!

Penn’s Billy Connolly story

Caller Steve: Green Beret story –

Gmail: Monkey reverse-paparazzi story.

Monk-e-mail discussed.

Gmail Mark: joke

Caller Erin: “Animal control hung up on us”


Jonesy’s theme (with Penn’s screeching) brings us back.
“Penn Jillette – I had no idea” (or was it Cronkite?)

Gmail – Gorilla Joke

Caller Greg: Back in the 20s…

Caller Rich: Florida’s “Monkey Island”
Caller Hugh: 1930s Philippines monkey story. Penn: “The Good Ol’ Days”

Caller Matt: Smoking Monkeys blowing smoke rings!
(“There’s nothing funnier than a smokin’ monkey” – Barry Marx).

Monkey Island information.


More monkey noises, then Penn reminds us that tomorrow’s show will be a “normal” show (whatever that is).

Caller Tim: Question about evolution.
Mentioned Preacher.
Dawkins mentioned.

Wikipedia’s “monkey tuesday” entry mentioned.
Patrick misses his cue.

Caller Derek: Smoking Monkeys question.
Smoking penguins!

Caller Alexis: Florida monkey island is not a happy place…

There is nothing funny about cannibal monkeys!

Caller John: Spider monkey story…

Caller Jason: Bra-stealing monkey.

We finish with Patriotic Monkey Music

The Penn Jillette Radio Show June 26, 2006

Monday’s show starts with that bass/piano version of Mike Jones’s theme…

120 degrees – New England joke.

Jimmy/Warren Buffet

$37 billion dollars
What’s 200 million between these guys?

Is this an insult to Bono?

Bill GatesShrugged

Can anyone spend better than Bill Gates?

Malaria and DDT

Caller Bob: (hung up) Goudeau – Gates should get cellphones to work.

Government schools.

Patriotic Monkey Tuesday stories requested.
(one little mistake)

Caller Max: Schooling – disagrees with Penn.
(this caller and the next two all have weird noises coming down the phone)

Caller Mike: Smarter than you are a good magician.
Caller Justin: Public schools should be a privilege not a right! Penn agrees

Bill Gates/Moe Howard


Searing guitar version of theme tune – Jimmy Macintosh

Gmail(anon): Buffet points

Caller Patrick: Buffet, charity and Katrina
(weird phone noises are quieter)

Caller Lisa: Special education (no child left behind)
Goudeau: They’ll do nothing unless you demand it!
We talk about Goudeau’s kid for a while

Jimmy Buffet’s spent all of his money

Caller Brett: Washington sucks. Schooling discussion continues.

Caller Mike: Teacher from Jersey – it’s a new system, give it a chance.


A repeat of the first theme we heard today – I think Penn likes that…

Penn says “Uncle”
Gmail Geena: Point about the press…
Gmail: Schools (nice comment)
Gmail Eric: Influence…

Caller Katie: High school teacher – No child left behind makes her blood boil! More teacher input needed.

Penn looks in to pre-school for Moxie!

Caller Rob: New listener. Parental infuence?
Teller’s tenure.

Caller James: Commenting about Caller Katie. Gets a little mixed up – even calls Goudeau a guest!

End of the Jimmy/Warren Buffet Show

The Penn Jillette Radio Show June 23, 2006

MikeJones’s theme brings us into a fake Jim Cramer.

866-570-PENN (7366) NEW NUMBER!
Everything is lit up – no details yet, but calls come via Happy Jack.

The Onion – AV club:

Classic Movies It’s Okay To Hate

Penn doesn’t like Raging Bull and Goodfellas

Space Monkey Leeroy: The Big Lebowski

This 4th of July: Patriotic Monkey Tuesday!

Patrick misses his cue.

Caller Greg: Citizen Kane vs Dawn of the Dead

Penn loves Dead films, Henry (Portrait of a Serial Killer), Superman

Goudeau saw Empire Strikes Back with his clown make-up on.

Penn didn’t get Star Wars

Caller Jesus: Grease

Patrick and pornography.

Caller Jason: Penn & Teller Get Killed, Arthur Penn made the movie Penn and Teller wanted.


When you call the show you’re calling The Slammer!

Gmail Madelyn: Gone With The Wind
Gmail: It’s a Wonderful Life

Caller Rob: Hates Ugly Skinny Guys in Horrible Shoes but loves The Warriors – (Penn threw the knife in the opening credits)

Caller Chris: One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest (and sucked). Blues Brothers.

Caller Anthony: Uglier than ET

Films you’ve seen and loved first time through but can’t watch again.

Gmail George: Ben Affleck fan (not really)

Penn playing poker at the Rio? Probably not…


One of the bass and piano versions slide us into the final third of Friday’s show.

Confusing Sam Elliot with Sam Waterstone

Gmail Natasha: Forrest Gump. (Goudeau thought a stupid guy getting rich was cool)

Caller Will: Loves Repo Man (Penn loves this and Rock n Roll High School too)

Caller Mike: Let’s Get High & Make A Movie.
Kubrick never ends a mov-
Penn was young and enjoyed the film (and liked Malcolm McDowell)
White codpieces.

Caller Jeff: Blair Witch. Nothing scary about it at all. Penn had a crush.

The phones here are even better. (They’ve discovered a screen with caller info)

Caller John: Billy Jack is just confusing…

Penn loves the phones!

Caller Joe: Worst film ever is like an Al Qaeda Training Film

Caller Tom: Titanic .
Penn’s Mom hated it too but it did give her some good quotes.

Patrick lovesKate Winslet.

Patriotic Monkey Tuesday Reminder 4th July

The Penn Jillette Radio Show June 22, 2006

Variant of theme tune brings us into the show.

Goudeau? Have you heard anything about Global Warming?
Micheal Shermer mentioned.
Al Gore mentioned.

ABC news request anecdotes about Global Warming

Shaved squirrels.

Lance Burton 10 year anniversary party – P&T; went (kinda).
Robin Leach comes in late.
Al Gore on exaggeration and rights

Caller Carl: Evidence of global warming – a delightful weekend.

Penn and Goudeau’s “First times” getting hot.

Caller Tom: My wife is getting that kind of hotter.

Caller John, no Dave the Polar Bear: Can’t find girl polar bears…

Scientists views
Stephen Hawking and Venus

Caller Vinnie: No global warming – it’s all natural.
Super Penn!
Word of the day: Anthrogenic (caused by man).

Penn doesn’t have a strong opinion

so is enjoying this.


Fast piano intro – go Jonesy!

Mammoth spotting.

Gmail Tim: Fried eggs and draining tubs.

Caller Jeff: Stephen Hawking going outside his specialty. Linus Pauling mentioned.

EZ’s doctor story

Caller Anthony: Libertarians and swearing. Global warming, autism and Time magazine.

Caller Sam: . . . . . .

Gmail Scott: Nova – global cooling. (did he mean this?)

Penn says something good about France again.


yay – i lost my connection for a couple of minutes there

Caller: Linus Pauling and the vitamin c placebo.
Angelina Jolie vs Stephen Hawking.
Caller warns against “experts”.

Caller Noah (an “expert”): Manhattan will sink.

Goudeau: Climate change?

Caller John: Climate change subtlety.

Penn is NOT a scientist he’s a juggler.

The Penn Jillette Radio Show June 20, 2006

You need a question NOT a topic.
(Monkeys on Mars)

Question is

High School Christian Speech.
(slips in a “$5,000 to kill someone” reference)
Monkey Tuesday

CBS’s rules that Penn has to follow..

Caller Tommy: loves monkey Tuesday – wants Martian Monkey Stress Tests.

Caller Mike: Monkey Tuesday must live and thrive.
Bush joke.
Has different view about “Brittany’s High School Speech” and “Freedom of Speech”

Psychedelic pandemonium.

Chaos is your comfort zone!

Take a crucified monkey to Brittany’s interview tomorrow in New York. Hold it up. Penn will be nice to you if you do.


Caller Jason: Monkey Story. Has been a costumed character who worked in Florida (for a mouse.)
Penn: This is a great story, let the truck go by.
Monkey fight!

Penn’s decision. TV show offer.
His cowardice and laziness.

Insulting the people you support.

Bulls hit and this show are fair and very biased.

Penn’s opinion on newspapers.

Goudeau interrupts Penn


Monkey Jesus brings us back on Sacrilege Tuesday.

Penn talks about lack of hateful listeners

Caller Ryan: His girlfriend goes to the school in question. Monkey Tuesday brings them together.

Caller Oshri: question about O’Reilly Show.

Caller Rich: Monkey Story, semi-large monkey vs mouse.

Gmail about Bill O’Reilly.

Penn: Can we get the girl from the story to call in tomorrow?

Three most overrated things.

Goudeau: Things that begin with ‘D’.
A tasteful crucified monkey.

Caller Matthew: Libertarian libertines, Jainism, and no time for his monkey story…

Great show though!

The Penn Jillette Radio Show June 19, 2006

The smooth bass/piano theme takes us into the show.

They start with a lie about Journey.

Why Penn hates Frankenstein.

Letter from Seoul, read by Penn’s sister.
Boiled food mentioned, then over to Penn’s Sister…

Irish Health Article on IVF

Penn talks about playing god and the theme of Frankenstein, mentioning a cut line.

We move to autism and the “breeding out” of this condition. They talk about medical ethics (where’s Sigrid Frye-Revere when you need her? )

Caller Terry: Comment on Frankenstein from a filmmaker’s point of view.

Caller Scott: A different spin… healthcare. Penn likes his point.
“If it’s morally wrong, I don’t think we should do it”
Stomach removal story.


Penn pushes
Penn has been dreading this day for about 40 years (Paul McCartney is now 64).
“Heather took 64m” – Goudeau.
Happy Birthday Paul – Just don’t mention “Liver” Let Die
(Note: McCartney’s birthday was, of course, “Yesterday”)

The line that was cut from Frankenstein was “Now I know what it’s like to be god” thanks to Natasha.

Caller Matt: Talks about Gattaca and <sigh>Uma Thurman</sigh>. Genetic selection.

Goudeau’s eyesight question.
Mac King’s wife explores good teeth.
Penn’s hernia.
Moxie v Zolten: The $35,000 Question

Caller Brian: Natural Selection – Nice call


EZ: Zolten is not getting $35,000 – he’s already eaten it.

Caller Jason: Agrees with Penn (though normally wouldn’t) would do anything to save his son.

Gmail Tim: Playing god “idiocy”. Nice mail.

Gmail genes vs astrology

False dichotomy of nature-nurture
Book Genome

Caller Chris: Cart before the horse. We have always played god when practicing medicine. Penn agrees.

Chemotherapy vs prayer

Gmail Rob: Stephen Hawking question
Penn “Goddamn!”
Goudeau “Shut up Rob!”

Caller Chris:
or is it
Caller Donny: Overpopulation

Penn disagrees and (oops!) cuts him off as it’s the end of the show…