On today’s show:
– Story Day! “Screw the news, ignore world events.” – Penn and Mike
*Before you read any further, please note that I couldn’t really do all the stories justice, so reading them pales in comparison with hearing Penn tell them*
– Not telling the blowdryer story, yet. Maybe on the one year anniversary of the show, January 3rd, 2007. Penn did tell it on the Steve Dahl show in Chicago.
In a Cage with a Million Bees
P&T; were filming “Don’t Try This at Home” on NBC. The big finale was to drive a tractor-trailer over Teller. In the middle, they were mocking Siegfried and Roy, who only produce 50 tigers a year. P&T; wanted to up them, by about 20,000 times. So, they decided to produce one million bees! To protect the audience and most of the crew (besides two camera folks with beekeeper suits on), they did this in a big cage. Before the trick, they were given Epi pens (hanging around their necks), and some speed, to keep the blood flowing, in case they get stung too many times.
– “There’s no better idea than giving Penn Jillette speed.” – Penn
– The bees are stinging the crap out of Penn, but Teller got stung only a few times, mainly because he was the one dumping them all over Penn.
– After shooting the rest of the special, Penn goes home. While undressing, he notices that his entire crotch area is bloody, and the skin is falling off his scrotum.
– “In order to get bigger, I have to molt.” – Penn to his girlfriend.
– He doesn’t go to the hospital, and just goes to bed. The next morning, he talks to his friend, who’s a doctor. And hilarity ensures (I don’t want to ruin it).
– “You’ve gotta see Penn’s scrotum!” – Penn’s girlfriend to her friends.
– “Do not put yourself in a cage with a million bees.” – Penn
– 2:18pm BREAK –
– “For those of you concerned for my scrotum, it’s all better now.” – Penn
The State Fair Convention
– A convention for all the stuff/junk you’d see at a State Fair (jugglers, impersonators, etc), all in one place.
– People are in costumes to sell their stuff, or themselves. There’s a Power Ranger guy, wearing these great tights, so the size of his package is a secret to no one. And he’s got a midget dressed up as an inter-galactic mushroom. They walk by Penn, and come to some stairs. And the Power Ranger says to his buddy, “Watch the stairs, this time“.
Goudeau’s Gorilla Story
– Goudeau was the “Garelli Mopeds” Gorilla, for about 4 weeks. He would drive around on a moped, doing errands, and generally trying to sell mopeds for this dealership. Once while driving, a bee flew through the eye of the gorilla costume, and he ended up having to bail on the side of the road. He was not stung, and thankfully, did not lose all the skin from his scrotum.
Eddie G and the Chicken Suit
– Coming up, the monkey and the dwarf…
– 2:35pm BREAK –
– “No Calls! 1-866-313-3733. Feel free to not call!” – Goudeau
The Monkey and the Dwarf
– Having a BBQ at Penn’s place. Penn knew a guy who owned a monkey (well, a great ape, but we’ll call it a monkey, because that’s funny). The monkey, Tarzan, could change his own diaper, eats chips and salsa, etc. Monkeys are really strong. Tarzan had retired from show business, as he was entering puberty. Oh, and monkeys are perverts.
– Penn has a friend named Arturo, who is a Mexican dwarf. He had invited him to the BBQ as well. That’s not a great idea, because you can’t have any children or babies around the monkey. Or little people, as the monkey will fight them for dominance. Penn of course, is not “circus enough” to know this, so he has to call back Arturo, to warn him about the monkey conflict. And Penn then gives the best impersonation of a Mexican ever.
– Arturo decided to come to the party anyway, but he was ready. Ready to jump into the pool at any moment, because monkeys don’t like water, so he would be safe there…
– No! Penn ran out of time telling the story… Hopefully he’ll finish it tomorrow.
– 2:54pm END –
(Please note, these stories are 250% funnier when Penn tells them…)