The Penn Jillette Radio Show April 13, 2006

On this “Must Hear Radio” Thursday, Penn and Mike thrill us with:

– The Mike Jones Monster Group: Mike Jones, Jimmy Mac, Penn Jillette.

– Do people really believe that “Stars in Concert” are the real musicians/actors?

– Penn was talking to a Cher impersonator…

– Talking to an Elvis impersonator, “Viva Las Vegas”‘s lyrics are a bit weird. “Turnin’ day into nighttime / Turnin’ night into daytime”

– The best safe-word is “Celine Dion”, according to Dave, the disgruntled Canadian.

– Penn went to Stokholm to accept his Nobel Prize and/or do a corporate gig, and it was still light out at midnight.

– So, Penn was talking to a Cher impersonator, she mentions, “I’m not just a Cher impersonator, I do a lot more”. And Penn answers, “Me too”. “What do you mean?”. “What do YOU mean?”… And hilarity ensues… So, if someone ever tells you something nutty, just answer “Me too”, and if they ask, “What do you mean?”, answer them with “What do YOU mean?”

– “Do you expect me to believe that?” is another good one. Works especially well on strippers.

“The Masked Magician” was Val Valentino, gave away tricks on Fox. The producers tried to get shots of an angry Penn & David Copperfield for the show, but they just gave away the guy’s name, and flipped off the camera, so they couldn’t use it.

– Do not act like you’re on a date when you are in a strip club, like Valentino does.

*Editorial note* I had an important phone call, so I missed about 3 minutes in here. Sorry.

Smuggling silicone implants into the US, and placing them in women

– “June Pointer of the Pointer Sisters died, but even the other Pointer Sisters didn’t know which one she was” – Penn

– 2:18pm BREAK –

– Penn’s brother-in-law had a teacher named “Outhouse”, but pronounced French. Apparently it’s not that uncommon, because the name came up again in a story about Paul McCartney “saving” seals.

– Cockpit recordings from Flight 93. The jurors heard, “Go, go, give it to me, give it to me, Allah is the greatest, Allah is the greatest”. Mixed up the tape with “Backdoor to Baghdad”. Whoops.

– Should we release the cockpit recordings to the public, only to the jurors, or lock them away for no one to hear?

– An incest survivor confronted Bob Saget about his joke in “The Aristrocrats”, because his joke was incestuous. They both broke down. Penn mentioned that after his parents died, he found it tough to watch anything that had grieving in it. The onus is on the individual to be careful themselves…

– FEMA has announced an overhaul: new telephone systems, and buying Sean Penn waterwings. Why the heck was he there in New Orleans at all?

– 2:34pm BREAK –

A brand new telescope unveiled in Mass. As soon as the telescope discovers life on other plans, they will be required to buy health insurance in Mass. They are requiring that if you have enough money, you must buy insurance, or else be fined. Will doctors become accountants?

Three people sentenced to 5 years in jail for poaching an antelope. And now that’s the new buzzword for a career-ending move.

Hundreds of gay parents are lining up for the White House Easter egg hunt, as they’ll have a new place to hide the egg.

– Does anyone know the word frodich (I don’t even think I can spell it correctly)? Penn went to pick up a Cookie puss cake from Carvel. The cashier had no idea about the Beastie Boys song of the same name, even though she was pretty young.

Jason Garfield is a shoe-in for Simon Cowell’s new variety show.

– Is there anything evil that’s named twice? Boutros Boutros-Ghali, sure… Duran Duran, oh… New York, New York, ok, that theory is out…

– Who is the highest ranking person who is also a juggler? A Nobel prize winner, maybe?

– Let’s all join Jugglers for Jesus

– It’s been reported that 5,000,000 year old fossilized worm droppings have been found… April 12th was the slowest news day ever.

– “Tapeworms just freak me out” – Penn
yet
– “Tapeworms are the Mickey Mouse of parasites” – Penn

– “Mother Theresa” is Penn’s pet name for Michael Goudeau.

– 3:54pm END –

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