The Penn Jillette Radio Show April 18, 2006

MONKEY TUESDAY!

– Penn had a monkey-induced life changing event… Penn and his friend Barry Marks got a copy of the original movie Tarzan and his Mate, which is full of violence. In the movie, Cheetah (the monkey from last week) is smoking. Penn was laughing so hard, he had to pee, but wasn’t able to walk to the bathroom, so he had to crawl. Which Barry thought was hilarious, so he made sure to follow him closely all the way to the bathroom.

– Penn tells Barry about how Johnny Thompson is the greatest. In fact, they met up with him, and Penn asked Johnny: “What’s the funniest thing in the world?” “A smoking monkey! Don’t try to follow a smoking monkey!”

Cheetah is 76, and has retired from showbiz, and paints.

– The “Tea Monkeys” in Canada. Apparently, these monkeys in a zoo would have High Tea every afternoon. Sadly, after they stopped doing that, they were put in with regular monkeys, and got the tar beat out of them.

– Goudeau mentions Macaques, who sit in hot springs in Japan when the temperature gets too cold.

– Gmail from Scott: A scary monkey story from his childhood. When he was young, he was on a trip to Arkansas. He was sitting in the back, facing the back. While there, they visited a drive-thru zoo. At one point, some monkeys started stalking them… more after the break…

– Penn met Billy Connolly at Barbra Streisand’s party. Billy said, “You know, I’ve met three of the Beatles.” Penn responds, “I’ve met all four of the Monkees.”

– 2:19pm BREAK –

– Back to Scott’s Gmail: At one point, the monkeys jumped on the back bumper, and his rear-facing seat was the greatest seat. He began to pester his mom for some food to give to the monkeys. All she had were Certs… They rolled down the window, and gave the monkeys the Certs. The monkeys grabbed the Certs, and ate them all. After the Certs were gone, the monkeys wanted more. One of the monkeys grabbed one of Scott’s brothers, and pulled him against the window, while the rest of the monkeys groped and grabbed him. After some screaming, Grandma rolled up the rear window, getting them to let go of his brother. At the same time, his mom hit the gas, and started off. Sadly, some of the monkeys were stuck in the window, flapping in the wind. So, Grandma had to roll down the window, letting the monkeys go, tumbling to the ground, with Certs (or teeth) falling out of their mouths.

After they got home, Scott’s dad asked what had happened to his brother, as to why he was all beat up. His mom simply replied by saying, “The monkeys got him.”

– Goudeau’s has a friend named Kelly Lepkowsky, Movie Monster Maker (he worked on Gizmo for The Gremlins). The two of them had gone to a pet store, and saw a tiny monkey in a cage. Kelly put his finger against the cage, and the monkey grabbed it into the age, and bit down on it, and did not let go for ten minutes.

– Penn got bit by a monkey grinder’s monkey, who, apparently had never bitten anyone else. He’s also been bitten by lots of other wildlife.

– P&G; ride a tandem trike, which they call the “Don Johnson”, because when you’re on it, you think you’re cool, but from the outside, you’re just a dick. Penn carries mace with him, in case they are attacked by a dog. Goudeau is in the back, which is bad news for macings…

– “Monkey Tuesday!” – Penn

– 2:36pm BREAK –

“The Plasmatics” recorded an album while listening to only their own instruments, which can make it tough to stop a song. Not monkey-related, sorry about that.

– Next Tuesday will not be Monkey Tuesday!!, but John Lennon Tuesday, because of the seance the night before. Remember, no one should watch it, just the one listener who Penn will pay to do it.

– Here’s a story from Bob, Penn’s father-in-law. He was in NY, in a handsome cab with a monkey. The monkey “fecated” all over him. But he wasn’t bitten.

– For people who don’t already hate Penn, here’s something you will want to hear/read: Penn has been on the road for 30 years, and wanted some ideas for breakfasts, because he wanted to have everything he needed in one easy package. He asked his friends for ideas, and one suggested monkey chow. So, he got someone to buy 50 pounds of monkey chow. He was going to go through with it, but his girlfriend basically said, “No”. Penn got really mad, and fought with her over this. “You don’t respect my decisions!” They ended up breaking up over it.

– It turns out, monkey chow has too much roughage, and is not sanitary at all. Oh well…

– On tomorrow’s show, talking about Bulls Hit, as the Death Penalty show was on last night. ps. The Showtime website is now accessible from outside of the US. Hooray for us non-Americans!

– 2:54pm END –

Thus ends Monkey Tuesday!!. Hope it was as good for you as it was for me!

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