Layperson Penn: A Limo full of Breasts and Horses Stamping on Julia Roberts
(thanks, Vlad!)


Show starts off with Jack not understanding a joke and Penn and Mike finding it amusing. Baby + Playboy = getting laid, in short.

Penn relays story of “Buddhist” student who douses himself in gasoline and lights himself on fire to protest the war. Poor guy couldn’t make it to the water fountain in time. Penn: “He died without the dignity of his own choice.”

Onto less toasty topics…

Guess what? It’s talk to LAYPERSON PENN DAY! Call in with your questions.

Mike has a question: When you throw a bird up in the air, and it spreads its wings and flies away, would a fish do the same thing?

Caller 1: Wild Mongolian Horses! My question is, “Would you let them die?”

Penn: Keeping endangered species alive should be a personal crusade and not involve the government.

Penn: Please send us pictures of said horses stomping on Julia Roberts.

But Penn does like Roberts, as well as the director (Gary Marshall) of PRETTY WOMAN, but thinks the movie sucks. “All women are whores until rich men validate them.”

Caller 2: I’m Atheist, my wife is Catholic. How do we raise our daughter?
Penn: Is you wife a social Catholic, or actually believes in it?

Richard Dawkins protests Moxie’s ATHEIST BABY T-shirt.

Penn big fan of anabaptism; advises caller to look into that line of thinking.

Caller 2: One more question!: As an Atheist, What do I say when someone sneezez?

Penn: Say “That’s funny.”

*/ break */

Gmail (Adam): Does free will exist?

Penn: Free will does exist; only because of ignorance.

Vlad the Impala answers Mike’s question in the begining of the show: “Try throwing a penguin, mr. idiot.”

Caller 3: What’s more important, a woman with an amazing face, but a horrible body, or a woman with an amazing body but a horrible face?

Penn: Henry Ford solved this problem: assembly line! Use each woman for their best part.

Caller 4: Did you like doing My Chauffer?

Penn: Had a blast doing it.

But he hit an actress in the face while he was ripping her shirt off in the scene. Her breasts were enormous. Penn’s mom saw it and said, “It seemed like a very closed limo there…, and all those women had their shirts off, I hope they were wearing deoderant.”

Penn would do the movie for free again if he had to.

Penn gets to get in the back of cars with naked women while Mike gets to get in the back of cars with clowns.

Caller 5 (Greywolf): What’s your opinion on Columbus Day?

Penn: Columbus was a great explorer. Horrible things were done by Columbus and his men, but trade routes were open. There are many +’s and -‘s, and most likely would have been that way no matter who initiated it.

Greywolf invites Penn to a American Indian Gathering (I missed the name/date). Penn sadly can’t make it.

Penn encourages Teller to call in about Columbus. (Yay!)

More topics to come.

/* break */

Penn reads parts of what Teller wrote about Columbus. Penn thinks Colubmus is “A-OK!” because Teller basically says so.

Back to the callers.

Caller 6: I’ve been married for 10 years. Husband has been sick for 6. I want more intimacy than he can give me. What can I do?

Penn: Tell him the truth. Ask him. You might be surprised as to what he’ll say.

Gmail (Ralph): Can I honestly call myself an Atheist if I believe in “bad mojo?” Or am I agnostic?

Mike says “yes.” “Bad mojo? What are you talking about, dude?”

Penn: Also, you’re misusing the word agnostic. You can be agnostic and not know the answer. “The only people not agnostic are me and the Pope…. by the way I’m right, he’s wrong.”

Caller 7 (Rob): keeps your sexual history online.

Penn: I’m going to quote Teller, “God gave man food to eat, liquid to drink, and sex so we’d have something to talk about.”

Penn is all for it.

Mike thinks it’s just a logbook; a safe.

Caller Rob is actually the owner of the site and is pimping it. But he can’t read the entries: the site has advanced encryption.

And… that’s it! See ya Monday! Have a good weekend.

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